In this day and age of social networking, new ground is being broken in how we communicate with one another and as a result, new rules of social conduct are being formed. Many are are feeling the tremors, which are widespread due to the fact that the internet is classically full of a bunch of Poindexters who don’t know how to behave among real humans in the first place.
Once upon a time I was on friendster. Later, myspace. I vowed not to get a facebook page, despite urging; mostly from old High School buddies. “Just another way to waste time when I could be working,” said the angel on one shoulder, as the devil on the other side said, “It’ll be a cool way to hook up with yo peeps!”
However, it became somewhat required for work, so I was all “whatevs.” Soon it became a breakfast-to-bedtime compulsion.
As I got more involved in this new interface, I began noticing patterns of behavior among my facebook friends. Some, major “TMI.” For instance:
“XXXXXXX must resist the porn.”
Of course, this happens to be one of my favorite FB friends, due to his/her unmitigated honesty. Facebook conjures the voyeur at times, nothing wrong with that. It is just up to them to avoid befriending say… their boss, the pope, or Tom Delay.
Another sort of facebook offender is the “Mo’ Problemz” sort. This is the person that has major issues, and constantly posts them in his or her “status updates.”
“I think i am finally going to have a mental breakdown. On top of cut hours and bills piling up, I just happen to lose my GOD DAMN cell phone.”
Of course, we have sympathy for this poor soul. Sometimes when it rains, it really shits on ya. Sorry guy/gal. You certainly have a major problem- but call me back when you step on an i.e.d. and have your legs blown off.
But by far the WORST type of facebook status update offender is the “Passive FaceGressor.” The kind of person that posts stuff on their “wall” that is meant directly for one person’s public shame.
For instance, A facebook “friend” posted this a while back:
“XXXXXXX is stoked for his little bro.”
To the naked eye, this post could appear unremarkable. But with little knowledge of this person or his/her “little bro” I knew instantly what a low blow and classic “Passive FaceGression” this is. Fact: “Big bro’s” “Little bro” was going through a divorce or separation of some kind. Fact: Previous status update reported going out the night before. Simple conclusion: “Little bro” got laid and Big bro’s status update was an underhanded jab at Little bro’s recent ex, also a facebook friend.
I later confirmed that my quick assumption was true, and called older bro out on his Passive FaceGression. As adults, most of us know that breaking up is hard to do and despite family alliances, it takes two to tango. However, in the barren intergalactic desert of the nerd world, some of these concepts are lost. I sympathize with older bro who as a person nearing middle age, feels the need to throw stones at tempestuous young love- obviously lacking it in his own life. So in conclusion, with just basic knowledge of this situation or these people, this simple “Passive FaceGression” post made my personal outlook of older bro drop significantly. A remarkably adverse effect following this attempt at saddening little bro’s ex.
However, nobody is automatically an expert when it comes to new platforms of communication. Just like learning to swim or ride a bike, practice makes perfect. It’s hard to understand the concept of how many people- coworkers, past schoolmates, etc- your “status updates” reach, and what kind of content is appropriate. Personally, I dig my friends that post somewhat upbeat, borderline dry, sometimes comedic posts. Picture of your cat? Awesome! Your kid in a pumpkin patch?* More please! Here are some superb posts:
“These thunder and lightning storms are neverending.. it’s awesome.”
“XXXXXXX will never understand the appeal of fantasizing about the end of the world (and is very dissapointed in john cusack)”
I am guilty of another type of transgression when it comes to facebooking. The majority of my posts circulate around my family’s business or the company I work for. When things are posted on our “fan pages” I almost automatically “share” them with my 400+ friends in attempt at generating more traffic. You could call it “FaceWhoring.” But, you know, that’s why I started my account in the first place. You can always “Hide” me. All’s fair in love and the internet.
This being said, there is always some fallacious glory in reading posts like these:
“Just made money on a phone call for letting some guy watch me paint my toenails while making him snort… and calling him a loser piece of shit.”
*Note: When you have pictures of your babies as your “profile picture” please refrain from posting inappropriate or vulgar content. This conjures the illusion that your baby is swearing or saying nasty stuff.